High, higher, highest

A man was living close to a mountain.

Everyday he was thinking: "How would it be to climb that mountain, and what would I see at the peak?"

So finally, the day came, and the man went on a journey. Arriving at the foot of the mountain, he met the first traveler. So he asked: "How did you get up the mountain, and what did you see from the top?"

And so the traveler shared his path, and also the view that he had. But then the man was thinking: "The way that this traveler described to me sounds very exhausting." "I need to find another way to climb up."

So he continued to walk along the foot of the mountain, until he met the next traveler. So once again he asked: "How did you get up the mountain, and what did you see from the top?"

And so again the traveler shared his story.

Still not being determined on which direction and which way to go, the man asked 30 more people, 30 more travelers. When he finished talking to all of them, he finally made up his mind.

"Now that so many people already shared with me their paths, and especially what they all saw from the top, I don't need to climb there anymore."

It is very unfortunate that this man never went on the journey.

Now, to conclude the story.

Firstly, each individual needs to find the most suitable way to climb that mountain.

Secondly, there is information possible to be shared with words. But it is impossible, to share the experience of clarity, when you are standing on that peak by yourself.

To invest the right effort in climbing that peak, is very much what all the Buddhist practices is about.

I too, have a story about climbing a mountain.

It was a mountain I had climbed before, in broad daylight. But that night, it was dark, save for what might have been moonlight, or light from the city.

My phone, was at less than 5%. I had no torchlight to guide me, and only but a mind map of where I need to go - over the hill, get over the hill and follow the road I thought to myself.

On my way up, it was truly dark, the tall trees casting long shadows, obscuring what little light I had. Somehow, I lost the track, and for some time, my only guide was to go uphill, against gravity, in near total darkness. It could have gone so very wrong.

At some point, I reconnected with the trail, and could make out a semblance of gray - the sandy path reflecting more light than the grass I had walked on minutes ago. I followed it, and the trail forks a few times, causing me to pause momentarily, the signposts unreadable in the pitch blackness.

But still, up I went, that was the only intuition I knew to follow. The trail zigged and zagged, I was considerably lucky, as eventually, I made it to the top of the ridgeline.

Following along the road, I got to my friend's place, a bit sweatier than expected, but at least I made it.

Thinking back to these stories - on mountain climbing - I couldn't help but think about clarity.

Sometimes it is not about what you have, but what you don't have, that guides you on the correct path.

And sometimes it is best not to dwell on what you don't have, but desire to have, lest it distracts you from the right way.

Kāmacchanda, byāpāda, thīna-middha, uddhacca, vicikiccha - The Five hindrances. That of sensual desire, ill will, lack of concentration, restlessness, and self-doubt. Each one, obstacles that stop me from climbing up the next mountain, the next level in my training.

It has consumed me in the last few months, I'll be honest here. The endless end to my PhD has been a strange experience. I have gone numb, went distrustful, lost focus, got distracted, and constantly wonder if I am even as great as I think I am.

The process of applying for funding is demoralizing. Why is it that they demand so much detail for something that might end up for naught? Will I succeed in getting something out from this? What is it that I actually want to do?

The first step is to recognize it - the wandering thoughts that I have. Therefore I should accept it - the thoughts are there as can be. Then it must be investigated - what gave rise to those thoughts? What are the consequences of remaining in that state of thinking?

Those thoughts, are not a part of me, they are mere thoughts. Them emotions, do not belong to me, they are mere emotions. This body, is not me, it is merely there.

And it just so happens that I can see these three aspects of me.

But they do not control me.

I am me.