Mentoring, when they say what they never said

It's one of those things that catches you out of nowhere.

Like turning a quarter of a century old. No sooner later having to deal with a 12 hour time difference jetlag. Or, the culture shock of having most shops closing after 6pm, and on Sundays.

Yet none of those really compare to the surprise I had of becoming a mentor.

No, I'm not talking about those programmes where you sign up to be a mentor for someone, often for extra credit or a better looking CV.

I mean just being labelled that naturally, out of the blue, with no fanfare or drum-roll announcing its entrance. To be asked formally to give advice, guidance, and more importantly, a reference letter.

Sure I've tutored students in class before. Also led a bunch of scouts back in the day. Yet somehow it feels a lot different this time around.

There are many things you are meant to do in a PhD:

But at some point, maybe while you're in the midst of questioning yourself ala Imposter Syndrome, a junior of yours asks for some advice.

And no, it's not just some question that is indirectly trying to get an easy answer to some tough assignment. She/He is asking about the path you've walked on, what bumps she/he needs to be aware of, whether it's actually a feasible to continue on this journey (i.e. is it worth it or not?).

It really varies between people. Some will start questioning their life decisions before university. Others might only think hard halfway through their degree when they've had a taste of things. And then there are those who only consider this important question when they're at the stage of writing their final thesis...

As hard as it is for a young one to be struggling through their important decisions in life, it can be tough too for a mentor to provide specific guidance. The world, its current environment, conditions and whatnot can be in a vastly different place five years ago compared to now.

Also, the path a mentor has taken will not necessarily be the 'right' and 'only' one. Both of us might be in a similar field, but there are subfields upon subfields to consider, different combinations of subfields which would lead to vastly different experiences.

When I received an email from a student I tutored last year, it was quite a pleasant surprise. I actually had a lot of things on my plate, rushing as you do with good ol' research, grant applications, overseas trip stuff, aiding my sister's visa application, moving flats and so on.

Yet I felt almost inclined to reply. To say that yeah, I'd be willing to have a chat over coffee. Specifically, guidance about going through an environmental science degree, recommended courses, applying for scholarships, etc.

What on earth was I supposed to say though?!!

Actually, in between that email chain and the scheduled meetup, I had a lot of 'help' so to speak. It so happens I was given some mentor-like talk by elders too.

You see, I moved to a new flat for a week, quite some distance from town and on a hill. However, I still worked at the restaurant (and so did my girlfriend), and quite coincidentally, my restaurant boss lived 'nearby' and offered to drop us off after the night shift.

There were two nights in particular when it was just us two and our restaurant bosses (husband and wife), and they talked a lot. Usually it's all work and little talk at the restaurant, especially as business has gotten better over the years. It's really during random chances like this when we got to hear epic stories - about the life they lived to get to this point.

Sure it's fun to climb the steep curve while you're young and reckless. You might even go down some unconventional route that no one besides the daring recommends. Let's say you succeed, got your riches and everything.

Are you willing to just throw it all away?

Suffice to say, it is quite humbling to know that no matter how high your position was before in some big organization, you could still trade in all your hard earned assets and settle down to run a small business (e.g. a restaurant) and be happy for it.

Now the question is, what do you say as a mentor?

To just keep fighting on? Take all the hardest classes you can take, and explore all the areas yet to be researched? Take on internships every summer, work part time and tutor, fill up your portfolio with all those soft and hard skills you've earned!

Even if in the end, you will throw away 80% of what you learned?! Well, I suppose I shouldn't say such depressing things to an undergraduate.

Pursue, chase after, and keep at it while you have the energy and room to make mistakes!

Epilogue

So during the actual 'coffee' meetup on Tuesday, no coffee was consumed (it's only a metaphor). I discovered quite soon how we were both from the same hall of residence, took similar high-school qualifications, and really had lots of uncanny similarities.

Now the specifics might be a bit too much for me to say, but we talked for a good hour or two. It really felt more like a peer to peer conversation than anything, probably because it didn't seem like too long ago when I did the course.

The next few days was action packed, and involved doing what needs to be done before I whisked myself off to Europe that very weekend.

The trip to Europe took 26 hours of flight time, 2 x 1 hour worth of layovers (yes, very short). Glad that immigration allowed me to pass, since I had no time to get a proper visa back in NZ because of various mishaps.

Met with the exchange professor who arrived slightly later than me, and we sat on a 3-4 hour-ish train ride, passing the Bavarian countryside, seeing snow gradually get thicker and then disappear upon entering Salzburg.

Took a few days to adjust to the time difference, and I gradually learned enough to survive a supermarket checkout using the words "Hello", "Karte" (for card), and "Danke" (thank you). On Sunday, you can imagine my delight when I found a self-checkout counter at the train station supermarket with English as an option! Give me a month and I might work out what the spoken numbers mean.

Besides the office hours at the university, and sorting out a few more administrative stuff, I've found the 'international floor' at my hostel to be quite nice. There's people from all over Europe, and I've met a whole group of Chinese students, all doing Geography too at the same institute! Somehow got elevated to 'senior' (the connotation sounds a lot older in Chinese) because of my PhD status (they're doing Masters), even though I'm probably a year or two older only...

How quickly I have turned old, sigh.

One of them is actually embarking on his first ever deep learning project on remote sensing data, and I was more than happy to help after dinner. It is quite hard to cover all the theoretical basics, plus I'm finding it a bit hard to translate technical English terms to Chinese, but hey, it's a learning process for both of us.

Why just yesterday, I sort of coached him into making a data request by emailing a professor. Yes it's quite scary, I know because I've went through the same just a few months ago! You're worried whether that professor will have time to reply, or if she/he will get suspicious, maybe hoping too that the data is still intact somewhere.

Really, the email itself isn't really that hard to come up with. It's more the emotional hurdle that you need to overcome, the assurance that hey, it'll be okay. Back then, I had my supervisor for advice about how to structure the email - use a proper way of salutation, give a small spiel about what the data will be used for, stuff like that. I guess I'm just passing the favour around a bit in a mentor-y way.

That's probably the main thing about mentoring really. To make someone not feel that they're alone in what they're doing. There is a saying in Chinese - 在家靠父母，出外靠朋友 - you rely on your parents at home, but outside (in the world), you rely on your friends. I'm really glad to have met so many mentors, pretty much all of whom I would consider friends.

A lot of these encounters happen so serendipitously sometimes, both for the mentor and the mentee. I say grasp the opportunity to learn or teach others when you can, it can really make someone's day :)