Social capital

Social - that aspect about people.

Capital - assets that make us worth more, or another word for the city (usually) where a government resides in a country.

I came across this quote I apparently made a few years ago, of a friend/ex-roommate:

"If you know my roommate/videocamera friend, you'd know how he has generated a great deal of controversial media. It's an art almost, getting people to 'willingly' do some of the most outrageous funny faces you do not want posted on the internet."

It was probably from one of my old blog posts, one lost to the ravages of time. And speaking of time, there was another quote I found that quite resonated with me:

"...capitalism (not only capitalism) gives the stereotype of happiness of people and we value on money too much while not noticing time is way more important than wealth. Without time we can't even spend money or persuade our stereotyped happiness and..."

There are so many emotions I am going through now.

From recent events uprooting me from my abode for the past year and a half, the rawness which I am still feeling now.

The feelings I went through this morning, as I poured over the photos/videos captured by my friend/ex-roommate during his time in New Zealand and the vivid travels abroad he has made since then.

To the Europe exchange trip I will be going on soon next month, no doubt another episode that will affect my outlook on life.

There was this short film that captured the sentiment well.

Solution: Eat spicy food?

No, I think it's not just that. It is the joy of sharing that spicy experience with someone else.

As I write this, it is Chinese/Lunar New Year Eve. Really, a time when spicy hotpot reunion dinners become a common theme in places around the world.

It is not quite the same eating it alone.

Especially when you burn your tongue, or sweat yourself to tears, and there is nobody around to laugh, or hand you a tissue to wipe your forehead.

They say that 思念是一种病 - "longing is a disease". When my girlfriend left to go home for Chinese New Year, I was left with a wreck of a situation.

I literally could not take it, so I binged on a Taiwan drama series for two days.

Until I could face the world again.

One week and a half to find a place to stay for a month-ish, including selling stuff online and putting the rest of our stuff into storage. That, and full-time university duties to boot, from managing my research work (having had a successful conference abstract submission!), sorting out logistics for my upcoming exchange (flights, accommodation, visa), etc. What else? Oh, I had to cover night shifts...

Doing it all alone was a terrible experience. Yet somehow I survived, barely.

In fact, I didn't quite do it all alone, there were plenty of people to help. If only I had the courage to ask.

Social capital is a funny thing. I hardly ever use it if I could help it. Yet by not using it, it seems to slowly erode, like how inflation eats into our savings.

I'm happy to do free favours for others, but asking for free favours?

I'd rather exhaust all my options.

Booking a backpackers accommodation rather than stay at a friend's place. Carting boxes of stuff into storage myself rather than asking for a car ride.

Only when it got real desperate.

Did I start to take up more help.

From a new PhD friend helping me to lift a sofa out to the street (the secondhand stores wouldn't take it). Having my restaurant boss drive a carload of boxes into storage. To asking strangers picking up stuff I sold to them, whether they wanted any odd items I wanted to get rid of.

There were plenty of pleasant surprises once I opened up.

At the very last minute, the night before I had to vacate the flat, I was offered a nice place to stay, right across the road from where I lived. The serendipitous situation is too crazy to describe, but it was all because of some 'gossip' talk between some people I knew at the restaurant. Sure, the lease didn't go to the end of February, but it was better than a backpackers.

I had a nice chat with a guy coming to pick up a table I sold to him. He said he could store some of my stuff until I came back from my exchange, which was a nice offer, but I already had most of my stuff put into storage anyway. Still, he was so friendly, that he told me we should go out for dinner or something once I got back from my exchange!

Perhaps the funnest story I had was when I was dropping off this clothes iron for an old lady. I had just finished work, and rushed home to pick up the iron, and then biked to find the lady. She was like super grateful for the $1 iron, mentioning how I saved her or something because she could iron her garments now! Had a great chat with her and her husband, mentioning how I was going to Europe (they were from there too), and got some advice about the weather, the language, even little nuggets of wisdom about life.

Sure there were trying times.

Like how I still have one item yet to be picked up or paid for, from this guy that was spamming the comments section on my auction and wasting my mental capacity for a good hour or more.

To the landlord insisting I had to scrub out this black stain at the corner of the toilet. He only gave up after seeing me unsuccessfully scrub at it using a toothbrush, and a flathead screwdriver...

And the mess my travel agent put me in because I was directed to the wrong embassy, with the wrong visa to apply, at a time when I already have little time left before my flight. Plus I just got off the phone with the right visa person, but erm, 15 business days to process? Ok, this ain't gonna work.

Oh yes, the shit we have to deal with sometimes. There's more I could rant about, but then again, I'm not here to be angry.

I may not have electricity or internet now at home, but I do have food from the restaurant every night. Why just yesterday, we had a big reunion style lunch (if only I had a working fridge to store all the leftovers)!

Usually during these reunions, you catch up with people you see rarely.

I had a friend just open up a weekend stall at a market, which no doubt I'll need to pay a visit next week! We mentioned some of the trips home we made last year, speaking from the perspective of someone who's already quite settled in New Zealand. Settled, what a word really.

• Do you want to settle down, when more than half your friends have left?
• How can you fight to settle, when the government no longer grants you a visa to stay?
• Why would you decide to settle, if you can't find a job or passion to stay any longer?

You might have a home to stay in, the money to survive, the work or resident visa to stay legally. But if you are depleted of your social capital, namely the circle of friends surrounding you, the people that make your day to day life less boring, would you still stay?

I don't know.

Much like 'money' capital, social capital is something one can build up slowly again. Perhaps I could find new friends instead of reminiscing the old? Yet unlike rebuilding 'money' capital, I just can't quite see myself rebuilding 'social' capital just as easily.

As much as I don't like to feeling of being left behind.

I myself wouldn't want to leave a dear one behind.

So let's stay, let's meet, let's play!

I am not running away, I am just leaving until the bad memories fade, leaving the good ones here to stay.

So see you again, soon.