Chop wood, carry water, cook food

A young monk once asked the wise Abbot: "Before enlightenment, what did you do?"

Chop wood, carry water, cook food.

"And what about after enlightenment?"

Chop wood, carry water, cook food.

"So how was enlightenment achieved?"

Before enlightenment, while I chopped wood, I would think about carrying water, and while I carried water, I would think about cooking food.

After enlightenment, chopping wood meant chopping wood, carrying water meant carrying water, and cooking food meant cooking food.

While I was tutoring a computer lab a few months back, the course coordinator lecturer pulled me out to the corridor to have a private discussion about a student.

"... look, she wants to run before she can walk."

The student in question was asking lots of questions about the software they were learning in the lab, about how to get it to do certain tasks.

"make sure that she understands what she is doing, and is not just clicking buttons."

At that time, I knew the lecturer was cautioning me not to just 'tell' the student what to do, but to make sure that she knows why it is that she is doing it. Basically make sure that she is following logic and basing her decisions on sound principles.

I went back into the computer lab, and for some reason, the conversation resounded a lot with me at that time.

"Wasn't I the one who was trying to run before I can walk?"

I vowed to write up about it soon then, but it wasn't until I stumbled on this "chop wood, carry water" blog post that I found a nice Chan/Zen tale to link it to. The story above has an extra "cook food" which is found in most Chinese texts that I found.

It feels wrong to offer an interpretion of Chan/Zen verses immediately, as it is so contextual based. Like many, it is not the first time I have heard the story, but the different circumstances under which I read it make it mean vastly different things.

How can we know if things are black and blue, or white and gold?

Does it matter?

From the uprooting chaos at the start of the year, to the experience of an overseas exchange, then coming back to host a conference workshop.

As this year comes to a close, I look back and somehow it feels like I have done so much, and yet life remains the same. I chop veggies, boil water, and cook food.

More recently, I attended a friend's wedding in Christchurch (surprisingly the first ever I've been to) that was just lovely. My sister was there too, and even though it was just for a weekend, it felt nice to catch up with the South Island folks. Even caught up with a student friend I met at a recent conference so that was nice!

A week after that, my partner came for her graduation with her mom (the meeting went better than I thought). Meeting up at Rotorua, we did the Skyline luge (even though it did rain down on us), visited Hobbiton, and relaxed in an outdoor geothermal spa. After taking a day bus back to Wellington, we made a beeline for our favourite restaurants, splurged on some shopping and generally enjoyed the graduation week vibe.

And here I am, trying to get into a productive academic mode as I write this for the last week before university closes for Christmas break. Doing what? Well, I'm finalizing a paper for my research I wanted to submit about half a year ago.

It's a project I wish I could close the door on, but I'm now responding to proofread comments from my supervisor's partner (my supervisor doing fieldwork in Antarctica until mid Jan), tweaking figures and all. Really just getting it to a ready-for-submission state so that my supervisor and I can submit it mid-Jan next year (fingers crossed) before I travel back to Asia for Chinese New Year.

This 'struggle to focus', is one interpretation of what the Zen/Chan story spoke to me.

To focus on the task at hand, not the task that came before, or the one that comes after. And even after finishing a grand task, even after achieving some lofty goal, continue as before, to focus.

This year is a year with lots of 'firsts' for me in my academic career. My first poster at a conference, my first presentation at a symposium, my first organized workshop...

It just occurred to me though, that this decade (2010-2019) has also been a long journey. Maturing through my tertiary education, travelling across 5 out of 7 continents, cherishing how lucky I am to have met so many good folks along the way.

I don't remember if I have set any ten year goals before, or if I have reached them. Even if I narrow it down to milestones I 'set' more recently, I realize I probably won't achieve them by the end of the year either. Submitting a first paper would have been nice, and so would be reaching my first $100k in net worth.

Yet day to day life will probably just continue like usual after those milestones. I'll still be chopping veggies, boiling water and cooking food.

Yesterday, as I listened to the final episode of Ted Radio Hour by Guy Raz, who has been hosting the show for 7 years, on why he decided to move on...

There was a point struck me, that 'leaving on a high' idea. It wasn't even the first time I knew of this, in fact, it's like my selling ice-cream in winter blog post but viewed from a different angle. "Buy low, sell high", or come in at the worst possible moment, and leave just as the party is at the climax.

As much as I have learned how to pick up things, it is almost just as important to know when to let go.

We lead dual lives, where our thoughts often does not equal our actions, and our actions does not equal our thoughts. Why do things not appear as they seem, or seem to be more than what they truly are?

When can we chop wood when we mean to chop wood, carry water when we mean to carry water, and cook food when we mean to cook food?

Again, what are you now?